Is it time for you to tame your phone?

How can device-lovers enjoy their phones without getting addicted? How can we protect our spiritual lives when cat videos, Temu and TikTok come calling? Care for the Family’s Katharine Hill answered these questions and others at a recent Limitless event.

When Katharine Hill wrote the first edition of ‘Left to their own Devices’ in 2017 our tech world was vastly different. “Put your computer in the family room,” was one of her tips for parents trying to create a safe digital world for their kids.

Today, as she prepares the fourth edition, her updated advice for all ages is directed towards an evolved landscape of AI, algorithms and smartphones for all. But the question she addresses remains the same: how can we equip our children and young people to use tech wisely and healthily?

As she researched the book, Katharine quickly realised that part of the solution lies a little closer to home. As well as putting good boundaries in place for our children, we need to pay attention to our relationship with technology, and this is a theme that she takes up in her latest book ‘Born Free – a call to be still, know God and flourish in a hectic world’.

“I look at the things that impact our spiritual formation – our environment, the people we hang out with, the habits we adopt, the things we love and pay attention to, that all shape the people we become – and I realised technology plays a massive part in that. And so above all else we need to be intentional,” says Katharine.

“I include a lovely story about a grandfather who tells his little grandson: ‘Inside me are two wolves; one is full of love, joy and peace, the other is full of anger, greed and hate. They fight, and at times the fight is furious.’

“The grandson asks, ‘Grandpa, which one wins?’ and he answers: ‘The one I feed’. It’s about asking which habits we feed.

“Then Romans 12:2 talks about not being conformed to the pattern of this world but being transformed by the renewing of your mind. This challenges us to ask how we can live so our phones and screens have their rightful places in our lives; where they aren’t forming or distracting us and where we’re intentional about how we use them.”

So how can we take the driving seat when it comes to managing our digital engagement? Here is some of Katharine’s advice.

Beware of the attention economy
There are powerful forces at play, designed to keep us addicted to our devices, says Katharine. Step one is to be aware of them.

Take “the attention economy”, for example. “The biggest commodity now isn’t gold or oil but attention, and tech companies are paying billions to get ours,” she says. “One way is via ‘the slot machine effect’. These are the most lucrative gaming machines because the frequent little wins they offer keep us coming back.

“And it’s the same element of anticipation and variable reward that keeps us checking our phones looking for new followers or likes – a dopamine surge in our brains makes us feel good and leaves us wanting to go back and back for more.”

Watch out – algorithms are about
Another key factor are those digital algorithms. Have you ever noticed that after a random scroll on, say, ‘healthy eating’, you’re bombarded with content about exercise or dieting?

“Our devices are programmed to give us gradually more extreme content based on what we look at,” Katharine explains. “This can be particularly harmful for young people when diet and exercise sites progress to sites on anorexia, bulimia and self-harm.”

Do a stocktake
Hidden forces like these mean we need to be intentional about our phone use, says Katharine. So what can we do? A healthy step could be a stocktake on our digital use.

“The average person uses their phone for two-and-a-half hours a day,” she says. “Ask yourself what things draw you in and mean you disengage from the people you’re with? Also, what things draw you away from time with Jesus?”

Parent your phone
“In the same way that you might tell your children when to go to bed and when to get up, you can parent your phone,” says Katharine. “Think about the times and places where you use it. Can you create some tech-free zones, like meal times? I’d recommend not having it by your bed at night too, because that means it’s the last and first thing you look at each day.”

Audit your apps
Which apps draw you in and keep you endlessly scrolling – through pictures of cats, TikTok videos or comparing yourself with others? “There are lots of really good things to look at, but ask yourself which content doesn’t bring out the fruit of the Spirit because it leads to comparison or distraction?” suggests Katharine.

Scripture before screens
In order to protect her own spiritual life, Katharine has adopted the habit of ‘scripture before screens’ in the morning. “You can end up checking your WhatsApp messages or scrolling through Instagram rather than making time to spend with God. I’m trying to read the Bible and pray before I pick my phone up instead,” she says. Whenever or however you do your devotions, why not put your phone well out of the way first?

Demote demanding apps
Another practical tip is to turn off notifications from more demanding apps or move them off your home screen. “I’ve found this really helpful,” says Katharine. “I’ve moved my emails, for example, and now have to scroll through a few screens to see them. I try to use my laptop for emailing instead. You can move social media apps too so they’re less of a temptation or distraction.”

Make a media agreement
If you want to set healthy boundaries but need a bit of group support, a family media agreement could be the way forward. “Get your family to agree what your ground rules are for technology in your home,” says Katharine.

“It’s a brilliant thing to do and it’s not just for families. You can do it with flatmates or in your workplace too. There’s real power in agreeing boundaries together or in being accountable to somebody else.”

Guard against technoference
Do you suffer from ‘technoference’ – when your phone gets in the way of relationships? “Say you’re going out with friends for coffee. One really practical thing you can do is agree together not to have your phones in view,” says Katharine. “Even if they’re upside down or silent on the table they can still be a distraction.”

Digital sabbath
If you’re struggling to put your phone down, one good remedy is a digital Sabbath. “In the same way that the Sabbath is an important rhythm in our lives, people have found that having half a day, an hour or some allocated time when they don’t use social media, do emails etc can be really helpful for breaking the addictive pull of your phone,” says Katharine.

Bedroom ban
“My absolute top, top thing for young people – but it’s good advice for adults too – is to keep phones out of bedrooms at night,” Katharine says. “Phones can become so addictive; some young people set alarms during the night to check their social media feeds. For all kinds of reasons that’s a bad idea, but particularly for our mental well-being and because it’s disrupting sleep.” If you use your phone as an alarm, buy an alarm clock instead!

Question the bots
With the rapid growth of AI, we need to encourage critical thinking among young people, says Katharine. “We don’t want them to be cynical, but equally we don’t want them to be naive and accept everything at face value. Encourage them to be curious, to think about what they’re watching and where it comes from. Does it chime with and measure up to their values and the other things they believe?” (Not bad advice for ourselves as well!)

Enjoy the good apps
For all these warnings, there is so much positive digital content that can help our spiritual formation, says Katharine. “There’s loads of Bible and prayer apps and other ways we can harness technology for good. We can get worship music, reliable news apps that can help us pray and there are great people to follow on social media.

“There are also helpful communities out there, particularly for young people who might be on the margins, perhaps with additional needs or vulnerable in some way, who have found real connection online. It’s about avoiding platforms or followers that drain us or encourage unhealthy comparison.”

This article first appeared in Direction Magazine. For further details, please click here.