Celebrating differences in marriage and ministry with Matthew & Moyo Atkins

Marriage and ministry. Just those two words together probably spark a whole range of reactions. For us, they describe being two ordained ministers learning to lead a local church together (since 2020) while also learning how to be a healthy married couple (since 2021). We don’t write as experts offering a ‘how to’ guide, but as fellow travellers sharing what God has been teaching us over the past few years.

Matt left Derby City Church for Stirchley in September 2019, and Moyo left Barking Elim in January 2020 to join him. Since March 2020 we’ve been leading Stirchley Community Church in South Birmingham together. At the time, our focus was simple: “Let’s keep this small church going through the pandemic.” The realities of leading a church together and eventually getting married hadn’t quite sunk in.

We had very few examples to draw from, and not many conversations about what marriage and ministry should – or could – look like. So we learned on the job, often the hard way.

Some of our biggest learning areas

Creating space for one another’s gifting and graces, navigating different personality types and backgrounds, holding past ministry experience well, and agreeing on when the working day actually ended!

From the outset

It was obvious how different we were. Moyo is an extrovert; Matt is an introvert. Moyo carries pastoral/prophetic graces; Matt leans towards teaching/evangelist. Moyo is a black woman from inner-city London; Matt is a white man from Stirchley, Birmingham. Those differences led to plenty of clashes – from approaches to pastoral care and the length (and style!) of team meetings (which, at the time, were just the two of us), to what ‘fun’ in church should look like, preaching styles and even theology. As newlyweds, it was hard not to bring tough workdays home with us – especially when our top love languages were words of affirmation and acts of service!

One thing was clear throughout

We were committed to unity. Ephesians 4:3 urges us to “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” That verse became both our challenge and our goal. We chose to fight for unity, even when it was uncomfortable, because we didn’t want our process of figuring out marriage and leadership to damage the church community entrusted to us.

Over time

We discovered that our differences were not obstacles but strengths – once misperceptions were laid down. It took honest conversations, humility, repentance and forgiveness to recognise what God was doing in us, for the sake of both our marriage and His church. When we made room for one another to be who God created us to be, and honoured what each of us carried spiritually, marriage and ministry became not just manageable, but joyful.

That shift created space

For growth within us and around us. We have seen people say yes to God for the first time, baptisms, numerical growth, new partnerships with churches and organisations, individuals stepping into responsibility, and spiritual gifts and graces becoming increasingly visible and active – all accompanied by plenty of laughter and fun.

Whatever our relationship status, Jesus prayed that His followers “may all be one”. Unity is often harder than we expect, but it remains God’s desire for His church. We have come to recognise its power and the fruit it produces. Our prayer is for unity – in friendships, in families and across the church.

This article first appeared in Direction Magazine. For further details, please click here.